Chocolate's Deserted Island

5 things I would bring on a deserted island

Normally I have a hard time coming up with things to write about, but this month’s topic is an easy one.

The three things I would bring right off the bat are my children. I know, not sexy at all, but that can't be avoided. The next thing would be my husband.

One, because I love him and if me and the kids are stranded on an island, he gets to suffer with us as well. No getting remarried and starting a new family for him. No way. We suffer and we suffer together. The next reason would be because I need someone to hunt, fish, build and fend off wild animals. So yes, there’s the manual labor aspect of it as well. Who else would let me sleep in, squeal at rodents and bitch and moan but my husband?

The other reason is the sex of course. I can't leave that luscious hunk of love’in at home. If the wild animals didn’t get me, the long nights tossing and turning, thinking about what I was missing eventually would. I even image how fine my man would look in his loin cloth, because unlike me, he doesn’t have an aversion to working out. I imagine how his primal side would come roaring out in full force and it makes me all gitty inside.

In this little scenario I also imagine that the lack of food and the change in diet would probably slim off the forty pounds I’ve been fighting to lose. And despite the lack of exercise, I am lighter, fitter and look totally hot in my jungle wear.

The last thing I would bring is a survival kit. I’m not stupid my sweets. In this kit would be a flare, shot gun, handgun, tons of bullets, knives, needle and thread, lighter and extra lighter fluid, tents (three to be exact), sleeping bags and of course a satellite phone with a GPS and back-up battery. The first thing I would do is call the authorities and give them our coordinates and ask them to give us two weeks so we could enjoy a nice family vacation. Then two weeks later, I would pack up our belongings and wait on the beach for us to be rescued by the luxury liner that would be sent to get us.

Like I said, I’m not dumb.