It's A Natural Talent

I think I'm wrapping up the month for the Cabal on the topic of what we would do if we weren't writers. Which is just an absurd topic. (Sorry Sasha) But I couldn't imagine not being a writer. I seriously remember being young...seven or so and writing a story for class. It was better than anything I'd previously read. In my own mind.

So to come up with jobs on par with my life as a writer? Pshaw!

Okay, y'all know I'm full of it right? Because I'm not a full-time writer. I wish I was. I can see myself now riding young bulls around the world in the name of research. Everything I did would be in the name of research.

Danica in Jamaica stuffing money into some sexy man's G-string and doing a little feel around. "What? I just wanted to see how much they can fit in there!"

Danica in England sweet talking a Brit out of his pants. "What? I wanted to find out if it was true that British men don't come, they arrive."

You get the idea.

But as a writer, I can expand my imagination to see life without putting words to paper. *thinks hard*

I'd totally be a talent scout. Not singing or acting, but erotic dancing. I'd have a lovely chair with my name in big, shiny letters, a cabana boy with muscles and very little clothing kneeling next to me feeding me chocolate while another massages my feet. Then, in front of me, man after man with muscles and beautiful smiles and sexy moves do a little show. Like this gorgeous man who happens to be a real dancer. Oh Chase...

And they would dance their little hearts out just for me in the hopes of making it to Danica's Dangling Dongs All Male Revue...

Sorry, I'm laughing at myself so hard I can't continue. Oh it would be a marvelous thing if I could pick my own job. Truth is, if I wasn't writing, I'd be a regular person who works five days a week, spends their weekends trying to catch up on sleep and reading as much as possible. That wouldn't change at all.

But life would be a lot more boring without my writing and my writing friends and all the hard, difficult, steamy research I'd have to do for my books.

Writer? Archeologist? Special Agent? DIY-er From the Wrong Side of the Tracks?

If I wasn't a writer...

...that's tough because I have so many interests. Let's go through the iterations of my past career dreams. Fascinating? Well, you might as well finish. You've committed!

When I was little I probably just wanted to ride horses, likely in the circus. Then I wanted to be an archaeologist, but a summer spent at an archeology camp convinced me my allergies were too bad for any outside job. Indiana Jones must have taken allergy shots. And all that tedious dirt scraping only uncovered bits of pottery, never the Ark of the Covenant. Which is probably good because likely opening such ark would have melted my face off, if the movies have taught me anything, and my allergies were doing a bang-up job of melting my face off already. So not the glamourous life I imagined. Though I did teach myself to read and write Egyptian hieroglyphics, a skill I taught to my friend and then spent much time in high school writing "coded" hieroglyphic notes back and forth. Because we were Cool Kids. (not) So yeah...time well-spent.

Then I wanted to be an FBI special agent!! But being nearly legally blind uncorrected (and they didn't accept Lasik back then) killed that dream. Oh, and I'm quite sure there were some questions on that entrance application that I would rather have not answered.

...Which brings me to criminologist! Or a criminal psychologist--a profiler! WAY back before that shit was cool. That one held me for a long time, including minoring in criminology in college.

Secretly I really always wanted to be a writer, but that's against the rules of this assignment, so if I could be anything today, it would be....

Someone who makes things out of other things. (Do I sound like the guy from Say Anything?)

I would either be a fashion designer because I love to sew and create things, or maybe a purse designer, lingerie designer, something like that. No, I think I'd flip houses!! Not for the money so much as the fun of improving it and turning a dump into something people want. Or I'd have my own business decorating or making and selling furniture I'd salvaged, repurposed or improved. I just love that shit. Hence my preoccupation with thrift stores. I tell people it's my way of being thrifty and green, but it's really due to my selfish desire for the pride I feel when I point to something and go--hey, that was once someone's trash and now it's this glorious thing I made!

As illustration, here's a $15 iron St. Vincent DePaul outdoor table that I upcycled (<--fancy word for "spray-painted") to use in my Master Bedroom. Sorry, I haven't had time to style it yet with a candle or a small, decorative pile of books and a picture frame or something, but still--much improved, huh? :)

$15 thrift store outside table BEFORE...

Chic brass, blingy masterpiece following one can of spraypaint AFTER!

Yeah, there's that pride.

What makes YOU feel that pride? Is it your current job, the way you live your life, or maybe one of your hobbies? Leave me a comment!

If I Weren't a Writer....Brazen Style

With a name like Brazen Hotness, my "If I weren't a writer" should probably be a little racy with a side of full on titillation and maybe lots of cleavage. Ok it's me, so that would definitely be lots of cleavage.

I won't lie. At one point in my life I did want to be a Vegas Showgirl....mostly because they got to wear such awesome costumes with glitter and feathers and the shoes! There was a time period when I wanted to be a Bond girl. But only if Pierce Brosnan got to be my Bond (This was after Remington Steele was off the air but he had not yet become Bond) and after the movie would routinely call me just to ...chat.  I think the craziest idea I've ever had was wanting to be a dominatrix..again for the clothes and the shoes. 

On the less risque end, I wanted to be a bartender -- I had dreams of competing in the national competitions; a fashion designer -- oh those drawings were terrible;  a geneticist -- kinda hard when you're squeamish from blood; college professor -- English of course!; or the person who came up with the cool/pun names for nail polish.

Romances books weren't my first love (hello mysteries!) or even my second (hi there writing the story lines for video games) but I'd be lying if I wouldn't have found a way to dive, Scrooge McDuck style through those books.

If money were no object, I would be a book reviewer. There are few things on this planet that seem more amazing then reading books and then talking/writing about them non-stop. I had it all planned. I was going to be a middle school librarian by day, book reviewer by night.  With plenty of time to sip tea and shoot the breeze about my books while waving my latest review in the USAToday.

Occasionally I get twitchy and think what if....? But then I remember the wonder of writers cons and the joys of seeing my name on a book like my latest release below.  

Makes it all worthwhile. Though I do have to admit, I could go for a pair of dominatrix boots.....

Being a Writer is the Best Job in the World

The life of an erotic romance author: Here I am at Sexapalooza 2012, signing books in front of the EC Bus!

Well, perhaps the title is a bit of an overstatement. I mean I'm not curing cancer or feeding the hungry, but I am making all your panties just a little wetter and some dicks just a little harder. And doesn't that make it all worth it?

Obviously being a published author is cool. I don't think I need to sell anyone on that point. But it occurred to me yesterday that being a writer may be the best "self-owned business" idea ever! So for all you wanna-be entrepreneurs out there, consider the following:

• Start-up capital: virtually zero. 
• You need to get your book written, but I suppose you could even do that on a computer at the library. Realistically, though, you'll need a computer. I started with a $250 netbook. Worked fine to write my first novel on. Other investments may include books about writing, some online writing workshops and the like. You certainly don't need a license, a building, a permit to do business, articles of incorporation, inventory, etc. 

• Be your own boss! 
• Things may become a little less casual for me someday, but right now I decide what I want to write and when I want to write it. I do it on my own time and at my own pace. This statement would change significantly if I was depending on my writing paycheck to supply my food money, or mortgage, or batteries for my vibrator. That shit's serious. I'd have to step it up then! 
• Sure I have an editor to answer to, and some folks also have agents, multiple publishers, etc., but even then, you are in business with those folks to put out a great product. They're your partners in the venture, not your boss. And that's pretty cool.

• FREEDOM. a.k.a. Be what you want to be.
• This is what dawned on me as the best part of being an author. If I'm in a paranormal mood, I can just up and write one! I don't need permission. I don't need acceptance. I don't need to get anyone's "buy-in". It won't mean I'll sell it, but if you have a decent publishing record, you can get a good idea of what you'll sell. If I was, say, an actor, and I was in the mood to work in an action movie, I'd have to wait for someone else to write it, then audition for it, then hope I get the part. Most likely, I'd audition for anything I thought looks like a good fit for me and I really would have no control over it. An actor can't think, "I'd love to star in a romantic comedy," and then go right out there and make it happen immediately and under his control. THAT's what's so cool about being an author.
• Now I'm talking in generalities. There are a lot of actor/writer/producers out there, and at some point, when they're in demand enough or rich enough, actors can call a LOT of the shots--or ALL the shots--I'm sure, but I'm comparing actors that are akin to my level as a writer.

As I finish this blog post, I'm now returning to my latest DIY project--constructing two ottomans for my oversized great room. In other words, I'm TAKING THE DAY OFF from my job. 'Cause I'm the boss. Of course, there's a catch. Time I "take off" from putting the right words on the page in the right order is reflected in my paycheck. You have to keep writing to grow and succeed in this business! That's the best advice you'll ever hear...how do you become a successful writer? You WRITE. And you don't stop.

Damn. I've gotta get to work!!

<3 <3 Piper, a.k.a. Naughty Hotness

What's *your* favorite thing about being a writer? (published or not...if you write, you're a writer!)