My Dearest Sasha....Sit Down & Shut Up

Dear Ms. 0 - 60,

I know that we promised ourselves that we weren't published by 30 that we'd give up and do something else, but maybe you should pump your brakes. Writing fiction is nothing like the dazzling papers your English Professors think you meticulously craft over weeks ...and your friends and dry eyes know you write forty-eight hours before.

Fiction isn't like never losing a game of Trivial Pursuit or remaining undefeated at Tetris (save for the boy you fell in love with that summer). Your Jeopardy obsession -- and your firm belief that you will one day grace its stage -- won't matter. Fiction won't care that your brain is a marvelous machine that helps you see things a different way, makes you organize faster, makes you quirky but efficient.

Fiction. Doesn't. Care.

Welcome to a new ball game. One where you aren't the smartest. One where things won't always (or even often) be easy. You will struggle. I repeat, because you will be incredulous, because you will want to think CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! and immediately want to go out and slay the dragons of writer's block and doubt and think you're above it.

YOU WILL STRUGGLE.

But that's okay. There will be swearing. Lots and lots of imaginative moments when you yell "M**her F**king C**k weasels of Satan!"  There will be tears and nights when you can't sleep, afraid you won't wake up and the words will die in you.

There will be days when you want to give up, believe you'll die of disappointment (we know now that's not possible) and days when you'll believe that any of your mental successes from birth to now were a fluke and you are a moron of the highest magnitude.

But. You'll suck it up, buttercup. Because you're stronger than self doubt. And though you flinch to think it more than once a month or so, you're a much better writer than you give yourself credit for. So, know it's going to hurt, it's going to cause new emotional scars you didn't know you could inflict on yourself.

But all that is worth it when you get your first yes. When you have your first cover reveal, your first release date, your first royalty check. You'll still struggle and fall down, but you'll never forget the fever of WANT that burns inside.

And that will keep you moving. Until then, maybe ditch a bit of the intellectual arrogance and think more along the lines of Dreams Can Come True....though they might look more like a misshapen lump of clay than a beautiful sculpture.

Oh and don't quit at 30. We totally get published at 31.

Sasha

The Most Annoyingly Awesome Songs

You know what I'm talking about. You're riding along in the car, skimming through what seems like a million radio stations trying to find something decent to listen to when you hear it. You have a reputation to maintain as a cool person...but when you hear it, you stop. Just a small pause because you tell yourself you want to be certain you're hearing what you think you're hearing.

Then once you've confirmed that yes, this is a song that—although you know all the words because it came out when you were dating this guy, or hanging with this group of people, this is a song you don't want to listen to. But you leave it on that station. "There's nothing else on," you tell yourself as you tap your fingers on the steering wheel (or the keyboard if you're listening at home). "I'll just listen to this torture until something better comes on."

And then you sing this line...or hum that refrain...and next thing you know, you're going all friggin' out, singing along to this song that you swear is the most annoying song in the world and you're never going to it again!

Yes, I'm giving out awards to the top five songs that get me every single time despite my coolness. I swear it isn't my fault. It's like the fates want to mock me.

#5 - Journey's "Don't Stop Believing"

Don't get me wrong. This is a great song. I mean...it's Journey for crying out loud. But it ruins my image as a kick ass metal head. And it shouldn't be used as a wedding song. For anyone. Sorry. But no. Just don't do it. When I hear this, I think of the Olympics or something. It's not sexy.

#4 - Kelis' "Milkshake"

Maybe it's jealousy because I don't have very much milkshake to shake around. That means boobs, right? Because I'm not as blessed in that department as some people. *coughs at Sasha and Griffin* But I still sing the song...Even though I sort of keep seeing my cousin's husband singing...

#3 - Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody"

Actually, I adore this song and it has nothing to do with Wayne's World. This song has everything a closet car singer could possibly need. It has great lyrics, soaring soprano parts with plenty of opera to appease your inner Pavarotti. Then there's the hard rockin' guitars, the sweeping solos...it's just a great song and it doesn't fit with my kick ass image. It's a guilty pleasure.
#2 - Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby"

I don't care who you are. If you grew up in the 90's, you're going to know this song. Now, you might be lucky and it doesn't faze you. But if you're anything like me, the minute you hear that opening beat with the high-hat? You're ready to rap along and do that neck/body wobble thing he used to do. Right? I'm not alone in this, am I?
#1 - Aqua's "Barbie Girl"

Don't hate me for the earworms! I don't care what mood I'm in, or what I've just listened to (it could be Johnny Cash or Slipknot), if I hear this song I have to stop and listen to it. Even though it irritates me, it drives me insane and I can picture this video down to the plastic horse...I still sing it. Ever friggin' time.

Y'all are welcome.

What songs torment you on a regular basis?